:Wise Money Tips

We all want to be associated with a winner, be it a winning person, a winning team, a worthwhile cause or a successful organisation. We all have sports people, teams, actors or artists that we consider “ours”. When they do well, we bask in their reflected glory. It’s the same at work - we want to be associated with a worthwhile “winning” organisation. Our greatest reward is receiving acknowledgment that we have contributed to making something meaningful happen. More than anything else, people want to be valued for a job well done by those they hold in high regard.

A famous study by Lawrence Lindahl in the 1940’s came up with some surprising results. When supervisors and their employees were asked to list “What motivates the employees?” . . .
- Employees listed “appreciation of a job well done” as number one and “feeling in on things” as number two.
- Supervisors, on the other hand, expected the employees would rank these two items as eighth and tenth respectively (supervisors thought employees would put wages as number one and promotion number two!).

These results were replicated in similar studies in the 1980’s and again in the 1990’s. In another recent study, employees were asked to rank job-based incentives - “personal thank-you’s” came first and “a note of appreciation from my manager” came second. “Money” came in at 16th!

Praise, the thing that motivates us the most, takes so little time and costs nothing! Famous management writer Rosabeth Moss Kantor once said “Compensation is a right. Recognition is a gift.”

Have you appreciated the work of others lately? Has the value of your own work been appreciated? Here’s a quick test - over the last week, have you:
- Told someone they have done a good job?
- Looked specifically to find someone doing something well?
- Made someone else look good rather than taking the credit yourself?
- Thanked others for your own success?
- Passed on positive comments you have heard about others?

These are simple examples of the things we need to do regularly to acknowledge the good work of others.

You might say, “If it’s that easy, why don’t more people do it?” There are many reasons, but they all fall into two categories - personal and organisational.

On a personal level, many of us are not comfortable giving praise. We may be awkward about it, or perhaps believe that people are paid to do a job, so why do we have to praise them?

From an organisational perspective, it may be the culture that is holding us back, or perhaps technology preventing us from valuing the work of others. For example, technology has changed the way many of us operate. Email may have replaced personal interaction, so we no longer see what others do well - out of sight is out of mind, so how can we praise good work if we don’t see it?

Here are six ways we can put praise for a job well done back into our working lives.

1. Look for things people do well and acknowledge them for their good work.
2. Be a model of acknowledgment - show others it’s OK to give praise.
3. Have a conversation with a colleague about how to give praise for work well done.
4. When people have performed above the norm, write them a small thank you note.
5. Encourage others to thank one another and pass on stories of good work to your manager.
6. Work to create a culture of appreciation - make acknowledgment part of your daily routine.

The essential point is that praise must be frequent and given locally (by colleagues and managers). It should not be seen as a corporate initiative or program, but merely “the way we do things around here”.

What’s not been said so far, is that praise must be genuine. People in general are very good at spotting insincerity. The message? When you do praise someone, make sure it’s for the good work they have done and not just for the sake of it.

A final word of warning. Many organisations turn acknowledgment into an event. They distort it with extrinsic motivators (such as money) and taint it with internal competition. Pure and simple, giving praise for a job well done is just that - pure and simple.

So, find someone doing something good today and simply tell them what a good job they’ve done!

If you’d like to give me some thanks for this article, you can do so at http://www.nationallearning.com.au.

Bob Selden is the Managing Director of the National Learning Institute. He has been an HRD consultant for over 30 years, prior to which he was a line manager in a financial organisation. He is an Australian currently living in Switzerland and is a part time member of faculty at the International Management Development Institute in Lausanne and the Australian Graduate School of Management in Sydney. You can contact Bob at http://www.nationallearning.com.au/.

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Let’s talk about Terry Schiavo, since her death illustrated for me many aspects of grief and hope. Who among us was not moved by the drama of her last days? I know I was. Her death was not the way I would want my own death to be. When my time comes, I want no heroic measures, since for me they simply postpone the inevitable. And watching the family feud that took place between her husband and her parents, with all the tension and the anger, saddened me terribly. Peace should be the last emotion Terry felt, but who knows if she heard only the angry words passed between those she loved. No one should have to die as she did.

What a shame. At the same time, look at the two different approaches to grief presented to us, one by her husband Michael and the other by her parents the Schindlers. Michael was clearly ready to “lay her gently down,” he was prepared to move on with his new life and to “begin again” with his fiancee and two young children. Some say he was ready a bit too soon, but I disagree. Grief takes as long as it needs, there is no clock for the soul. Her parents, on the other hand, were clearly unable to give her up yet. It is understandable that parents would be so protective of their kids, and I don’t know what I would do if, God forbid, one of my own kids was in a similar state.

I am not judging, just pointing out the differences in style and approach in this wrenching drama. For Terri’s parents, despite how they may feel now, they must know that there is still hope for them. There is a new future which they will soon help create; there will be new challenges for them and their family which they cannot yet know. When you are grieving, you often lose sight of the future, because the present is so draining. But no matter what has been taken from you there is hope. They still have each other and they still have a life in front of them. I certainly pray that they will find healing and consolation, and that Terri’s memories will bring them peace.

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Most people in the world often feel down and depressed, they find that things are getting on top of them and they find it hard to continue living their lives. In this article I give advice on how to get out of this rut and how we can reduce this depression.

I have had many periods in my own life when I have been downright miserable and unhappy. The stress of everyday life has taken its toll and I have struggled to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

I have now worked and studied hard to learn ways in which to combat this depression and stress. I am now much more able to cope with these type of situations. I still do find myself becoming down but now have various techniques and methods to help me to quickly return to happiness.

The first thing I do when I start to feel a bit down or unhappy is to write a list of all the things that are making me feel this way. Instead of doing what I used to do, which was to stress so much about each of them, which only makes each problem even bigger, I now look at each item on the list and try to find a solution.

This is not that easy to do but is essential in combatting the demons in my mind which are trying to make me think in a negative way. Some of the items on the list are hard to find solutions for. I then try to tell myself that worrying is not the answer and that all I can do is to give it my best shot to improve the situation. At the end of the day what is the worst thing that can happen?

I have realised that I seem to get down and depressed when I am over tired. Now when I feel over-tired, I ensure that I go to bed a lot earlier than normal over the next few days and try to avoid drinks like coffee, late at night, which can keep me awake. To help me to sleep I always read a book which not only tires my eyes but also helps to take my mind off the things that I am worried about. I have also been known to have a small snooze in the afternoons to help me to catch up on any lost sleep.

I feel fortunate to have two young children. They seem to be full of life and do not seem to have a care in the world. Both children have totally changed my life in a positive way and are a bundle of fun and joy. When starting to feel a bit down and depressed, I spend as much time as I can with my children as they are what makes me happy and smile. I can soon forget my troubles and it also makes me appreciate what I have in life.

As well as writing a list of what is making me sad and worried, I also write a list of what I am happy with. As in the above example the children would be on this list as would many other aspects of my life. By concentrating on this list, I soon see that my life is not so bad after all. It is very easy for a person like myself to over focus on my fears and phobias and to lose sight of the things that are positive in my life.

We all have things that we worry about, it is the people who learn how to handle these issues who end up being the most happiest and successful. We need to start seeing these worries as challenges instead of problems.

I hope the advice in this article helps you as much as it has helped me.

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A pattern of traits and behaviours which signify infatuation and
obsession with one’s self to the exclusion of all others and the
egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one’s gratification, dominance
and ambition.

Most narcissists (50-75%, according to the DSM-IV-TR) are men.
The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is one of a “family”
of personality disorders (known as “Cluster B”). Other members
of Cluster B are Borderline PD, Antisocial PD and Histrionic PD.
NPD is often diagnosed with other mental health disorders
(”co-morbidity”) - or with substance abuse and impulsive and
reckless behaviours (”dual diagnosis”). NPD is new (1980) mental
health category in the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual (DSM).
There is only scant research regarding narcissism. But what
there is has not demonstrated any ethnic, social, cultural,
economic, genetic, or professional predilection to NPD. It is
estimated that 0.7-1% of the general population suffer from NPD.
Pathological narcissism was first described in detail by Freud.
Other major contributors are: Klein, Horney, Kohut, Kernberg,
Millon, Roningstam, Gunderson, Hare. The onset of narcissism is
in infancy, childhood and early adolescence. It is commonly
attributed to childhood abuse and trauma inflicted by parents,
authority figures, or even peers. There is a whole range of
narcissistic reactions - from the mild, reactive and transient
to the permanent personality disorder. Narcissistic Supply is
outside attention - usually positive (adulation, affirmation,
fame, celebrity) - used by the narcissist to regulate his labile
sense of self-worth. Narcissists are either “cerebral” (derive
their Narcissistic Supply from their intelligence or academic
achievements) or “somatic” (derive their Narcissistic Supply
from their physique, exercise, physical or sexual prowess and
romantic or physical “conquests”). Narcissists are either
“classic” [see definition below] or they are “compensatory”, or
“inverted” [see definitions here: “The Inverted Narcissist”].
The classic narcissist is self-confident, the compensatory
narcissist covers up in his haughty behaviour for a deep-seated
deficit in self-esteem, and the inverted type is a co-dependent
who caters to the emotional needs of a classic narcissist. NPD
is treated in talk therapy (psychodynamic or
cognitive-behavioural). The prognosis for an adult narcissist is
poor, though his adaptation to life and to others can improve
with treatment. Medication is applied to side-effects and
behaviours (such as mood or affect disorders and
obsession-compulsion) - usually with some success. The ICD-10,
the International Classification of Mental and Behavioural
Disorders, published by the World Health Organisation in Geneva
[1992] regards Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as “a
personality disorder that fits none of the specific rubrics”. It
relegates it to the category “Other Specific Personality
Disorders” together with the eccentric, “haltlose”, immature,
passive-aggressive, and psychoneurotic personality disorders and
types.

The American Psychiatric Association, based in Washington D.C.,
USA, publishes the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders, fourth edition, Text Revision (DSM-IV-TR) [2000]
where it provides the diagnostic criteria for the Narcissistic
Personality Disorder.

The DSM defines NPD as “an all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity
(in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and
lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and
present in various contexts.”

The DSM specifies nine diagnostic criteria. For NPD to be
diagnosed, five (or more) of these criteria must be met.

[In the text below, I have proposed modifications to the
language of these criteria to incorporate current knowledge
about this disorder. My modifications appear in bold italics.]

[My amendments do not constitute a part of the text of the
DSM-IV-TR, nor is the American Psychiatric Association (APA)
associated with them in any way.]

[Click here to download a bibliography of the studies and
research regarding the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
on which I based my proposed revisions.]

Proposed Amended Criteria for the Narcissistic Personality
Disorder

Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates
accomplishments, talents, skills, contacts, and personality
traits to the point of lying, demands to be recognised as
superior without commensurate achievements);

Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome
power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral
narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic
narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or
passion;

Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special,
can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or
associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people
(or institutions);

Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and
affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be
notorious (Narcissistic Supply);

Feels entitled. Demands automatic and full compliance with his
or her unreasonable expectations for special and favourable
priority treatment;

Is “interpersonally exploitative”, i.e., uses others to achieve
his or her own ends;

Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with,
acknowledge, or accept the feelings, needs, preferences,
priorities, and choices of others;

Constantly envious of others and seeks to hurt or destroy the
objects of his or her frustration. Suffers from persecutory
(paranoid) delusions as he or she believes that they feel the
same about him or her and are likely to act similarly;

Behaves arrogantly and haughtily. Feels superior, omnipotent,
omniscient, invincible, immune, “above the law”, and omnipresent
(magical thinking). Rages when frustrated, contradicted, or
confronted by people he or she considers inferior to him or her
and unworthy.

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